With the craziness of the year (I think it’s safe to say we will all remember what happened in 2020) and the busyness of our season of life with kids both in school and at home, it has felt harder than ever to connect with my husband throughout the day. I desire it and I try to find opportunities to feel connected with him and yet our life often just falls like dominoes in front of us and we’re just trying to keep up.
As I was thinking about ways that I can improve our points of connection throughout the day I realized that it doesn’t have to be as complicated as I make it. A date night is great, but those don’t come often in our season of life, so I thought through a few ways to stay connected and I thought I would share. These are small actions that I hope make him feel loved and help him to know that he is a priority to me.
- Look at him when he is talking.
I can’t tell you how many times my husband is talking and I am distracted with my phone or doing the dishes and I don’t stop to turn and look in his eyes. That physical act of turning my body toward him is not only a sign of respect for him, but it shows him that I’m fully engaged in what he is saying and that I am not just hearing, but I’m listening. I know this can’t happen every time we’re talking, as I’m often helping a little person in the bathroom or cleaning up after dinner, but when I know there is something important that we are talking about I want this to be an area of improvement for me. Stop, turn, and connect eyes. - Greet each other when coming home, and connect before leaving.
In the early years of dating there was never a time I would leave anywhere without giving my sweet guy a hug and a kiss and an “I love you!” before leaving. I could barely stand the thought of being away from him, and nowadays it’s so easy to rush out to door to school drop off and yell a quick, “Be back soon!” as I’m juggling backpacks and coats and shouting for kids to buckle up so we’re not late (Yes, this is a daily occurrence). I want to make sure I’m greeting him as he comes home with a kiss and a hug, and as I leave, be sure that I’m doing the same. I’m not talking a long drawn out embrace, although that would do nothing but good things for our marriages, but taking a second to connect before parting ways. If you’re not one who normally does this, then your spouse may be surprised! It never hurts to snag those extra kisses throughout the day. - “Hey babe, anything I can do for you today?”
We are called to serve others and others includes our spouses! As moms it feels like we’re always serving others, right? Mostly little people with lots of whiny demands, so it’s hard to imagine having a second to do anything extra. For me, I’m an “acts of service” kind of person. When someone does something to help me out, it means SO incredibly much. Asking your spouse if there’s anything that you can do to help them not only says that you care about them, but it shows that you care about them. Even a “Hey, how can I be praying for you today?” can be a way to find out what is on their heart and a way to connect on a spiritual level. - Send him a text to let him know he’s on your mind.
My heart would race when I would get text messages from my man in the early days of dating. It didn’t matter what it said, I was just so happy he was thinking about me enough to want to talk to me throughout the day. I’m often so consumed with my kids’ schedules that the cutesy texts are definitely not top of mind, but why shouldn’t they be?! It’s so important for our spouses to know that we’re still in love with them, still proud to be theirs, and thankful for all that they do for us. It doesn’t have to be a long drawn out message, but a “Hey, I love you and I’m so thankful for all you do. Can’t wait to see you later!” can go a long way! It gives me butterflies thinking about those early days of dating. We can keep that going in our marriages! - Weekly pulse checks.
Checking in with each other to make sure you’re on the same page, whether it’s emotionally or spiritually, is huge. Our time is often Saturday mornings, when our girls are watching a show and we’re sitting in front of our Bibles with our hot cups of coffee. We often have our best conversations on Saturday mornings. It’s our time to reconnect after a busy week, and we’re able to dive deeper into things we may be wrestling with or decisions we feel we need to make as a family. Sometimes it’s a, “Hey, are you doing okay? You seem a little distracted?” or sometimes it’s just talking about what we’ve been learning or reading. This allows both of us time to connect on a more emotional level. It doesn’t have to be scheduled out, but if you’re not finding that you have good communication with your spouse, then it may be something that you do want to put in your calendar each week.
Keeping our marriages at the forefront (after our relationship with God) will create a healthy and happy family life. Our kids need to see us connecting with our spouse, as it creates a sense of security for them. I’m no marriage counselor or expert by any means, but my heart’s desire is to connect and continue to connect with my husband through each and every stage of life. I hope you can take some or all of these points and implement them to create more connection points with your spouse!
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