I’m sure our journey looks like many others although no two are ever the same. When it comes to homeschooling, I would have been the first to say, “No, never. I could never be a teacher. I would never want my kids to be homeschooled.” And yet, here I am – Teaching our girls and walking in a season that I never expected to be walking. And yet God has prepared us as He always does. As I sit here and type this, I still can’t believe it. But 2020 happened, and I’m pretty sure we all will have a story about how that year greatly impacted us for the rest of our lives.
And here is ours:
I have so many journal entries from 2019 asking for God’s direction in how we should school our girls. Kindergarten was upon us, and we looked at all the options and toured all the schools. As the year went on, I continued to pray and just feel unsettled, and I wasn’t sure why. We’ve never had strong opinions (and still don’t) that there is one “right” answer for everyone. We know God has different plans for every family, and we knew we wanted to be where God had our family. In the middle of our wrestling is when the pandemic hit. Schools shut down, our girls preschool shut down, and normal life didn’t look so normal. I gently homeschooled for the rest of that year, but it looked so messy and I found myself overwhelmed and feeling like there was no way I was cut out for it. Fall rolled around and I still found myself unsettled, but we went ahead with what is normal and expected. We enrolled our oldest daughter in a local school for Kindergarten. She did very well, loved her teacher, and made a lot of friends, but I still found myself unsettled. I was always looking for an alternative school outside of the “normal” school setting. I still haven’t found the perfect balance of what I envision school to be, but the days felt so long for a young kid and I wanted more time than a few hours at dinner and on the weekends. The year went on, and as I could have expected, distance learning began; although it was so incredibly hard, I was just glad to have her home. Her teacher was flexible, and I would teach her the lessons that were prepared so she didn’t have to be online all day long, and we’d be done and moving on with our day in a very short time. We had flexibility again. We weren’t tied to a school schedule, and I actually had time with my daughter.
The gift of time.
We enjoyed it. We took a three week vacation while still being able to “school” our oldest. We enjoyed the freedom. And yet, the next school year rolled around and we were preparing for her to attend 1st grade full time. Again, following what was expected because that’s just what you do. I was hesitant, as the year before was a rollercoaster. I didn’t want to deal with what could be another year of ups and downs, but we were going for it. Our school didn’t plan to abide by the mandates so we felt peace in that…until three days before school was ready to start, and they changed their minds. And that’s when we changed our minds. A righteous anger bubbled up in me.
I will not put my 7 year old in a mask all day, every day. I will not play these games again. I’m out.
So that’s what we did. We got out. And in many ways I felt free. Free from what someone else thinks is best for my child’s health, free from what someone else thinks my child’s learning needs to look like, and free from a schedule that someone else set for me. I know this isn’t an option for everyone. I know there are so many who have had to go through with these uncomfortable times and do their best to roll with the punches, but for us it was an option so we took it. We un-enrolled her three days before the start of school. I will never forget what my husband said to me:
“This might be our best adventure yet.” As you can imagine, I wasn’t quite convinced as it all happened so fast. I felt overwhelmed beyond belief, but I felt a peace that I can’t explain.
We don’t have it all figured out. There are so many days (like every day) that I struggle with fear that I might mess up my kids, days where I wonder if they are actually learning anything at all, and many days of feeling like I’m doing it all wrong. I’m still trying to figure it out and get in our groove. We don’t have set plans as to how long this will be our life or what it all will look like, but God knows. As I sit back and think of how we got here, I can see that God had been preparing us for this. I can see that He still is working in this season, and I can see how His hand has been in all of it. All the way back to 2019.
I find myself being stretched beyond belief, having to grow in patience and grace with myself and my girls every second of every day. I am humbled by my need for strength on a daily basis. And most days I think I am learning more in this season than they are.
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