I’m a stay at home mom and I have been since day one of motherhood. To be honest, it’s not exactly where I thought I would be. I had hoped for the opportunity, but wasn’t sure I would be able to. I went through a season of not knowing if I would even want to stay home full time even if it was an option. So many thoughts ran through my head.
How will people think of me? What will my husband think if I’m not contributing financially to our family? Will I still have his respect?
It’s not something you can truly wrestle with until you hold that baby in your arms. I love staying home with my girls. I truly do with my whole heart! But that doesn’t change the fact that there are some days where I feel totally inadequate, completely depleted, emotionally exhausted and I wonder what I’m missing out on in the “real” world. You’re telling me that people can actually sit inside Starbucks and have a hot cup of coffee?! I haven’t seen the inside of a Starbucks in 5 years. The beloved drive-thru while the babies are sleeping is the closest thing to a coffee shop in this season.
Pouring so much into your little ones leaves you running on empty more often than not. Feeling like you have nothing left of yourself. Wondering who you even are anymore. Curious if you actually have any hobbies or interests, but you wouldn’t have time for them anyways. Wondering if you’re doing the right thing or being the best you can be for your kids.
It’s hard. So much harder than I could’ve imagined.
Being a stay at home mom is not sitting in front of the TV with a hot cup of coffee and everyone playing nicely on the floor in front of you. In fact, hot coffee is rarely an option. It’s not perfectly peaceful days. It’s breaking up fights, cleaning up messes, wiping bums, making all the meals, trying to respond every time you hear “Hey Mommy!” before it’s said five more times. It’s kissing bruised knees and listening to the same story for the fifth time with just as much excitement as the first time you heard it. It’s watching that episode of Clifford for the thousandth time. It’s snuggling, baking cookies, listening to those sweet giggles and hearing your kids’ conversations in the next room. It’s watching your baby practice crawling for the first time. It’s nursing. And nursing again. And again. It’s teaching. And training.
There are still times where I wonder if I’m doing the “right” thing by spending all of these years at home, but I’m learning to rest in the fact that this is exactly where God has me right now. He sees me in the messes, in the piles of laundry and the sink full of dishes. And He loves me through all those feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty.
If you’re a full time working mama, God has you exactly where you are meant to be. Providing for your family with such grace and love. Balancing so much on your plate and possibly wondering if the grass is greener like I often do. If you’re an at home working mama, you’re amazing for doing all the things! There is joy in each season even if it looks different than what we expected or planned. Let’s celebrate where God has us in this exact moment, because it is good!
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